Sky Chaser

Life is like a swing. When you’re little, you have protection all around you to keep you safe and people pushing you to succeed. Then you grow up and you can do it by yourself. As time moves on, you can get higher and higher and you feel like you can fly into
the clouds. But then, gravity finds a way to pull you back down again and you have to keep pumping to go back up and you just hold on with all your might so you don’t fall, partly wishing you could just let go to see if you could finally fly.

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Click

This is what closure feels like. It’s like you shut the door on the person. The relationship. You hear the click and you walk away. Though, it’s not nearly soon enough to completely walk away. I’m gonna need some strength not to walk right back. But, it’s different. Like I’m free. I needed this. I love this. I’m doing this because I love myself.
I love myself.

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Terms and Agreements

I’ve come to terms with our love. It was deep and meaningful. I fell and never got up. It was a selfish and wrong kind of love but it was our love. Only ours. And now, it’s over. I know that I will never be able to see you and walk away. Even seeing someone who looks like you, I miss you all over again. I’m never gonna be strong enough to say I hate you or I’m completely over it. But I guess that’s how first loves happen.

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Shipwrecked

It’s torn me down, made me forget every carefree thought and feeling. Every laugh out of pure happiness and gratitude. I use to be a person I was proud of, thankful for. Then one day, all the tears and sorrow washed me away. I’m shipped wrecked and broken and I don’t even know how I got here. Even worse, it feel as if I have forgotten how to swim.

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Weather

I missed you so much today
The memory of when you said you loved me
The beach on my favorite day
I drove by your house and that spot because the sun reminded me of our carefree days together and the way you smile
To just have that day back
To throw all my rational beliefs out the window
To hold your hand and make you laugh once more.
But no.
The pain of today brings me back.
Reminds me of how you let me go.
How you made sure I was never yours but you, always mine.
The tears and the silent conversations come back
My sunny day is now cloudy and gray.

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Insight

I found this post on Tumblr today and it is tragically beautiful. If you suffer from depression, you know it’s a serious subject and show be treated that way….

“My brother killed himself
on the twenty-eighth Thursday of last year
and I missed four days of work 
and my mom wanted to know ‘Why’. 
My brother
he was always a fan of beauty
but what he did
was not beautiful at all.

And last week I got the news
that one of my good friends from high school
had overdosed
(again)
except this time
she’d gone too far
and now she was gone.
And I had a hard time falling asleep at night
and her mother
hugged me tight
and thanked me for coming to the service
but I did not
want to be there at all.
This is not
beautiful.

The girl down the street 
would’ve turned 21 last year
and I can scarcely imagine
the wild times she would’ve
(should’ve)
had.
But she is buried six feet deep
after falling nearly 300
and she did not leave a note.
This is not
beautiful.

My freshman year of college
and my roommate was beautiful
and how I wanted to be just like her.
But she wore herself down
till she was 
almost invisible
and if you blinked 
you had to go and find her all over again.
So now her parents are no longer supporting her college tuition
but are paying her hospital bills
watching their daughter crumble.
This is not 
beautiful.

So y’all can take your narcissistic
romanticizing
and glamorizing
of self harm and eating disorders and committing suicide
and shove them as far up your ass
as you possibly can.
Starvation is not beautiful.
Killing yourself is not beautiful.
Sadness
is not beautiful.
This note I am writing
is not beautiful.

But you
you are beautiful
and it’s about damn time you start believing it.”


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